The Tricky Logistics & Boundaries Of My Not-So-Secret Double Life

The Tricky Logistics & Boundaries Of My Not-So-Secret Double Life

I feel like I’m living a double life — but without the glamour of being a secret agent or a superhero.

When my husband of 25 years and I decided to “split up together,” we knew it wouldn’t be neat and tidy. Having committed to putting our children first — no matter what — we knew we were going to be taking on the brunt of the tricky logistics involved in letting the kids stay in our family home while we took turns coming and going.

But I definitely didn’t know I would feel like I was living a double life.

How Red Rocks, Lyle Lovett & The Universe Showed Me The Signs My Soul Needed To See

How Red Rocks, Lyle Lovett & The Universe Showed Me The Signs My Soul Needed To See

I believe in signs. I always have.

The first time I went to Red Rocks to see Lyle Lovett a million years ago, my ex-boyfriend couldn’t make it to the show after we had purchased a summer’s worth of concert tickets together – and he suggested I invite a friend of his instead.

As I remember it, I thought to myself, “Message received.” I had been feeling like he wasn’t as interested in me as he once was and his suggestion seemed like the sign I needed. That he was trying to let me down in the nicest way possible by suggesting that I take a friend of his that he had just introduced me to.

I married that friend of his less than six months later.

Some Days, I Don’t Want To Be Brave

Some Days, I Don’t Want To Be Brave

Some days, I don’t want to be brave.

Some days, I want to go back to the way things used to be.

When things were safe and predictable.

When I was in my comfort zone. Where big, scary growth doesn’t happen.

Because lately, I’ve been overwhelmed with all the big, scary growth.

Finding The Magic In The Messiness Of Splitting Up Together

Finding The Magic In The Messiness Of Splitting Up Together

Splitting up together. Bird nesting. Giving the kids custody of our family home.

However you choose to phrase it, this is what we decided to do as a family when my husband of 25 years and I split up.

I loved the premise of nesting as soon as I heard about it.

Let’s Talk About The Stupid, Jerkface Language Of Divorce

Let’s Talk About The Stupid, Jerkface Language Of Divorce

I’m struggling with the words that go along with divorce.

In fact, I don’t think I’ve even said the word divorce out loud. I’ve only written it. I just doesn’t feel right to me – it doesn’t feel like it describes us or our family’s situation.

We didn’t even want to use it when we told our kids, and I didn’t use it when I told my side of the family. I think I mostly say that we are splitting up. But why? Why does it bother me so much?

For the most part, I think it’s because…

You Got This, Sisters — Because Your Soul Already Knows What It Needs

You Got This, Sisters — Because Your Soul Already Knows What It Needs

I’m not sure exactly what I was expecting.

After my last article, I knew there would be shock and dismay and understanding and a flood of “I’m so sorry’s” and lots of love. And I was right.

What I was not expecting was the outreach.

Much like when we had our miscarriage in between our kids’ births – people came out of the woodwork. I couldn’t believe how many others had had miscarriages at that time and I didn’t know. Some of them much further along than me…and some of them multiple times.

It was like a secret club that you didn’t even know existed – and certainly never wanted to belong to.

To My Husband, At The End Of Our 25-Year Marriage

To My Husband, At The End Of Our 25-Year Marriage

I took my wedding ring off today.

Not to send a message to you — or to anyone else for that matter. I did it as an act of self-love. As another punctuation mark. Punctuating the completion of our marriage.

And it does feel complete.

It feels sort of odd that I didn’t take the ring off to mark an ending — as much as I did it to mark a new beginning. For me. For you. For our family.

It’s Okay Now, Beleaguered Soul — Take Baby Steps & Breathe

It’s Okay Now, Beleaguered Soul — Take Baby Steps & Breathe

Boy, was she something.

She was as badass as they come. Brave and bold and sassy.

She was amazing and confident and in love with herself and what was happening in her life.

But she didn’t love her daily life. That grind that came with dealing with the minutiae left her with nothing for herself.

It made her restless.

Holding Our Stories -- And Our Loneliness -- Close To Our Hearts When We Don't Want To.

Holding Our Stories -- And Our Loneliness -- Close To Our Hearts When We Don't Want To.

Riddle: What does a writer do when she writes to process the events of her life – when she writes to figure out how she truly feels about everything she is experiencing -- but cannot write about what’s been happening in her life?

If you can solve that riddle, please let me know, because I haven’t solved it yet. And it’s frickin’ torture.

3 Easy Steps to Getting Our Work Done When Our Kids Are Home for the Summer

3 Easy Steps to Getting Our Work Done When Our Kids Are Home for the Summer

Whether you are starting your business from scratch, working from home as a freelancer, or have a traditional, full-time job outside the home, there is one thing we all have in common – when the kids are home from school for the summer, we suddenly have much more on our plate to manage.

I have a dear friend who is an Executive Director of Meetings and Events for a national organization and she is one of the hardest working people I know. Not one of the hardest working moms – one of the hardest working people. We often comment to each other that we don’t know how the other one does it. And we always say it with love and affection.

A Man I Barely Knew Just Died & I Don’t Know Why I’m so Sad

A Man I Barely Knew Just Died & I Don’t Know Why I’m so Sad

Yesterday, I found out that a man I barely knew died unexpectedly the night before. I am still feeling sad about it today—but I’m not sure why, since I didn’t even know him.

This young man was a friendly, scruffy-looking retail clerk at a small store in my town, and all I know about him is that he had just turned 25 years old, and that he was going to get married next month. I also know that he had just gotten his first tattoo. He was so proud of it and eager to show me the last time I saw him.

Maroon 5 Is Showcasing Women Activists in Their New Video—And It Is Powerful

Maroon 5 Is Showcasing Women Activists in Their New Video—And It Is Powerful

Maroon 5 released their latest single, “Girls Like You” this week and it was just what I needed in this #MeToo era—especially in the wake of Harvey Weinstein’s arrest and the new allegations against actor, Morgan Freeman.

Full disclosure—I am a fan of Maroon 5 and might even have a somewhat ridiculous crush on Adam Levine, so I already knew and loved this song. However, I have never been one to ever really watch music videos.

But this one is worth watching.

Career Coaching Ourselves When It’s Time to Consider Plan B – or C and D

Career Coaching Ourselves When It’s Time to Consider Plan B – or C and D

What do you do when Plan A isn’t working out the way you expected it to – or even hoped it would? Go on to Plan B, right? But what if Plan B isn’t working out the way you’d hoped either?

What if all those side hustles you’ve been gathering while you work on the big dream aren’t quite bringing in the income you need to pay the bills? But at this point in your life, you’ve figured out what you love doing – and can’t imagine doing anything else?

The Downside of Figuring out What You Love to Do for Work

The Downside of Figuring out What You Love to Do for Work

A young friend of mine just contacted me to let me know that he received two jobs offers before he has even graduated from college — and he picked the one that is what he really wants to do for work instead of the one that everyone thinks he’d be great at.

I am so, so happy for him for working as hard as he has to get to this point – and for going with his heart in making the decision. And I also want to warn him – there is a downside to doing what you love for work.

3 TED Talks About Modern Masculinity & Why We Need to Redefine It

3 TED Talks About Modern Masculinity & Why We Need to Redefine It

Modern masculinity is a topic that is impacting our society and our world on a daily basis.

From the #MeToo movement, to the heart-breaking shootings that we experience every day in America, to the language that we are using to have conversations about masculinity—many are feeling that men are under attack and that masculinity needs to be redefined.

When the #MeToo movement happened, I wanted to hear from men about it. I wanted them to get curious, ask questions about what we’ve experienced as women, and then ask themselves what they could do better in their own life. And I expect nothing less from myself when it comes to the topic of modern masculinity.

Pope Francis & President Obama Speak out in Support of Our Young Leaders—Who Will Not Be Silenced

Pope Francis & President Obama Speak out in Support of Our Young Leaders—Who Will Not Be Silenced

There were so many moving, uplifting, and inspiring speeches given at the March for Our Lives this past Saturday. Many of them moved us all to tears.

And while the leader of our country spent Saturday at his golf course, and as of this writing, has yet to publicly comment on the March for Our Lives—Pope Francis and President Obama praised our young people for speaking out.

5 Co-Working Spaces for Women That I Wish Were in My Town

5 Co-Working Spaces for Women That I Wish Were in My Town

Working for myself has afforded me a lot of freedom. Thank goodness, because if I were to have a personal tagline, it would probably be, “You’re not the boss of me.”

I love the freedom I have to work from anywhere, and control my own schedule – you know, for taking your freshman to physical therapy once a week for her dance injury. Or when the school calls saying they’ve called 911 for your fourth grader. (Crisis averted…he was simply dehydrated. Although mommy’s heart might be in jeopardy now.)