Brave is hard sometimes.
At least for me.
Change isn’t hard. I like change.
LOVE it, even.
But WANTING things to be different and then actually LIVING the new changes in your life can be hard.
I’ve been brave about some big things in my life lately.
Some of them are working.
Some have not.
And I’m getting braver every day.
But it’s still hard.
Even when it’s small things.
Like trying a new machine at the gym.
A stupid, jerkface machine that EVERYONE uses. Everyone except me.
When I did that a few months ago, I literally had to talk myself into it.
And when I did it…I felt like shouting out, “I’m doing it! Do you see this? I’m doing it!!!”
I. Felt. Victorious.
This weekend, I had another moment I had to talk myself through.
Needing some space and escaping for an evening is no big deal for me.
I like being by myself.
And need massive amounts of alone time.
So it wasn’t the being alone thing that was hard.
I can hole up by myself and not speak to anyone for hours or days.
But that’s not what I needed this weekend.
This weekend, I wanted to step outside my comfort zone.
Going out to eat by myself? No big deal. I do it all the time.
And I go to the movies by myself – and love, love, LOVE it.
But going out to DINNER?
On a Saturday night at 7:00pm?
In a somewhat hip, busy area?
THAT required a whole new level of brave for me.
So I took it easy on myself.
I didn’t choose the first place I thought of.
A restaurant I really like and that was really close to where I was staying, which I loved going to when I was with people.
But going SOLO?
I couldn’t even imagine walking in and asking for a table for one.
I didn’t choose that one.
And I didn’t even choose the second place I thought of.
Or the third.
I searched online for a place that I hadn’t been to.
One that was perhaps not as hip.
One where I didn’t have to be SO visibly alone.
When I got to the parking lot, I sat in my car.
Giving myself a frickin’ pep talk.
For the love of Pete.
But after a few minutes, I took a deep breath, opened the car door, and walked through the parking lot.
And on my way, on the back of a car, I saw a sticker of a unicorn.
A mother-effin’ unicorn.
And how all of her posts make me feel like a brave badass.
I knew immediately that it was a sign.
A little cosmic encouragement.
Like the Universe was winking at me and saying, “You got this, sister.”
And I frickin’ did.
Brave is hard.
Even when they are seemingly little things.
But I was stronger than hard.
And the next thing I tackle?
It might be a little bigger.
And I might be a little more brave.
But I will think of that unicorn...
...and picture myself covered in sparkles...
...and do the brave thing.
(Image courtesy of Conscious Carl.)