A few years ago, I wrote an article about the things I love about men. It was at the height of the #MeToo movement and as a collective, we were fired up. We women were all speaking our truths…as individuals and as a group of women who were raising our hands and saying, “Fuck…me too.”
During that time of truth-telling, I was also aware of the men in my life who were putting themselves out there, speaking up and speaking out. Some of them were shown appreciation for it, and some of them were just lumped in with “all men” and it was hard to watch. Because while I have many of my own #MeToo moments, I have also been surrounded by some pretty impressive men throughout my life.
I wanted to show my appreciation in a more light-hearted way, so I wrote a piece about the 7 Things I Love About Men. I wanted men to know that I saw them and appreciated them for who they were. And that I adored what I saw.
I’ve been thinking about that piece recently. I wrote it when I was married and approaching the end of my 25-year marriage. In the two years since my divorce, I have witnessed so much more about men and masculine behavior than I ever thought I would. Sadly, some of it was not pretty. Or kind. Or honest.
But there has also been a lot that I have loved and appreciated, too.
So anyway…here goes. These are 11 things I adore about men. God bless you, every single one.
1. You spoon-feed me big bites of ice cream.
This is not an ex-bashing piece, because as exes go, I am really frickin’ lucky. But when we were married and would share ice cream on the couch watching a movie, he gave the teeny, tiniest bites of ice cream. I don’t know why it tweaked me, but it did. This past spring, I dated someone who made a beeline for the ice cream aisle in the grocery store when we went and picked out my all-time favorite flavor without even knowing it. When we sat on the couch later that evening after dinner and he spoon-fed me, he gave the biggest bites of ice cream I have ever seen. It was adorable and endearing and made me laugh as he tried to fit all that ice cream in my dainty little mouth. Mad props to that guy…even though he ended up shredding my heart.
2. You suck on my lip when we kiss.
Holy hell, I didn’t know this was a thing. But the whole biting and sucking of my lips when we kiss? Do that more. Do that often. That’s a winning move. Full stop.
3. When you challenge and debate me.
I recently had a debate with a very fun, ridiculously young man about vanilla ice cream. My opinion is that there is nothing more boring than vanilla ice cream. He debated that fact for many more minutes than I would have expected anyone to debate that innocuous subject. But he did. Interestingly, this guy is probably the last person I would ever expect to like vanilla ice cream. He’s as un-vanilla as a man can get. And yet, here we were, talking about it like it was a subject of utmost importance. Him insisting that he would make me a shake with vanilla ice cream and prove me wrong. Which makes me laugh just thinking about it.
But here’s the thing…I love it when you challenge my ideas, guys. I love when I see something in shades of gray, but your black and white views prompt me to reconsider my own and make sure I really feel as strongly as I do about them — or not.
Now that’s not to say I enjoy being teased mercilessly about things I like, because honestly, I want you to adore that I like Maroon 5 and Coldplay and TikTok (as a 51-year-old, for the love). I want you to find that part of me adorable and want to listen to my music or watch videos I like because I like them, and because you want to learn more about what makes me tick and what makes my heart happy.
But I love me a guy who can actually stand up for vanilla ice cream. Because seriously.
4. The way you look at me.
Some of you really, really, really know how to do this. Yowza. And those of you who know how to do this, you need to give lessons. When you can master looking at a woman in a way that makes her feel 100% loved and adored, or simply just admired and respected, that is everything. It’s not a creepy thing when done right. When done well. It can be overwhelming to be seen when you’ve felt unseen for so long, but a strong woman won’t break your gaze. Unless it feels like you’re seeing too much, which I can definitely feel sometimes.
There is no more incredible feeling than to be seen, and men, this is an amazing gift you have. Whether you see straight through the physical and into the “doorways” of my soul, or whether you simply give me your handsome smirk and call me weird — when you make me feel seen, you make me feel respected and admired and safe. Thank you.
5. Your passion.
For food, for the mountains, for photography, for words, for your kids, for golf, for baby yoda (swoon), for your dogs, for hiking, for music, for Broadway shows…it almost doesn’t even matter what you are passionate about. I love learning about you and I love that something fires you up at all, let alone that much. It’s a huge turn-on that you are passionate and that you are willing to share that passion with me.
6. Flirting.
I have always been attracted to charming, flirtatious men. Mostly Leos that break my heart, but I’ve recently branched out…turns out Virgos are good at this, too. But flirting is fun. And playful. And I so enjoy having a little playful fun in my life — I need more playful fun in my life. My only request here is please don’t flirt with me if you are connected to someone else. It’s fun if we are both unattached, but otherwise, it’s just hurtful. And my hurty heart is exhausted. And I would also never want to hurt someone else who might be affected. But as long as we’re both unattached, bring it.
7. Knowing when to be the boss of me.
Cue the eye rolls. Because everyone who knows me knows “you are not the boss of me.” But I love that you know exactly when to be — and I’m not even talking about naughty stuff here. I love when you know that I am overwhelmed or sad or tired or just really need someone to not just offer me advice, but to tell me in that moment exactly what I need to do. I love that you ask my permission to please be the boss of me so that you can help a woman who doesn’t often ask for help.
This past year, I have had a few different men ask me to please let them be the boss, because they could see that I was struggling and hurting and tired of people looking to me to always have the answers. What a relief to be able to lean on someone else, have them tell me to cry in front of them, and then tell me to suck it up and go do what needs to be done. I am so grateful for you taking me seriously when I say you’re not the boss of me…but for also knowing when that rule needs to be broken.
8. The way you hold my face when we kiss.
I dated a guy a million years ago who did this once and I never stopped swooning. In fact, when we reconnected years later, I told him that he hands-down got the Best Kiss Award because I never forgot that kiss and I wanted him to know. (And if someone ever thought something like that about me, I sure as hell would want to know.) Funnily enough, he was the same guy who introduced me to the sucking of the lip thing, so clearly he had skills. But he’s had some competition since then. And men, let me just say that holding my face when we kiss does even more for me than when you slowly and softly kiss the back of my hand. Which is saying a lot.
It’s funny because I always thought my love language was words, because duh. But sadly, words have lost a lot of their power for me in the last year. There have been men who have used beautiful words with me that made me later wonder if they actually meant them. Some did. And some clearly didn’t. So unfortunately, I have more doubt and trepidation when it comes to the words you say now. But I’m starting to wonder if physical touch is my love language…because playing with my hair, holding my hand, kissing my neck, or just a long-ass hug while we sway in the kitchen. Yeah…that works.
9. I love that you want to contribute more to the world.
There is almost nothing more attractive to me than a man who wants to do more than just be successful. There’s nothing wrong with being successful, but when you want to give back and contribute to the world, that does some serious shit to me. I have dated men who want to help others through a difficult time because of what they’ve experienced in their own lives, whether through their writing or speaking, or by starting a podcast. Or just wanting to help people one-on-one in a meaningful, personal way, either by offering advice or giving them a book you’ve carried around that means a lot to you. It is wildly attractive that you want to give back to our world and help others. Wildly. Attractive.
10. Calling me pet names.
This is a new phenomenon for me since my divorce. I honestly can’t think of any pet names that my ex used to call me and the first time it happened when dating, I was like, wait…what?! This. Feels. Gooooooood. What is that all about? To get a good morning text that says, “Good morning, Gorgeous.” Or texts throughout the day, or a voicemail asking me to video chat whenever I had time because it had been too long since you had seen my face? Good lord. But the pet name thing totally does it for me. Love, Beautiful, or another special nickname that only you and I know…what an easy way to make someone feel adored. Just don’t call me Dude.
11. You cook.
This one is not super important to me, because I don’t enjoy cooking so I completely understand when someone else doesn’t want to either. But I have a pretty steady track record of dating men who cook and I’m surprised at how attractive it always is to me. My ex-husband loved to cook so I’m used to it, but it’s still something that makes me feel good and I appreciate that you do it.
One of you was an actual chef so that made sense, but the rest of you who have made meals for me and were perfectly happy to hand me a glass of wine and chat with me while you worked your magic…swoon. Or those of you who involved me in the cooking without kitchen-shaming me. Thank you for including me without teasing me, which would have been easy. And those of you who make your own pasta and pumpkin chocolate cheesecake? I’m pretty sure I’ve already proposed publicly to you.
I could go on and on about the things I adore about you because men, you are something. Do you see how I can crush on you so easily? You have all seemingly become Renaissance Men of sorts…so multi-faceted and intriguing and fascinating. And I am here for it.
I love learning more about you and am grateful for you sharing your souls with me. You open your hearts, which is inspiring considering what we’ve all been through by this point in our lives. But I have to say that even more than all these things that I’ve listed — your hearts are the most beautiful thing about you.
Please continue to keep your hearts open and share them with us. Because our world needs more of that. And so do I.