There. Are. Days.
I call them my Un Days.
Days when I feel Un-Sparkly.
Do you have days like this?
Days when you are tired of Doing All The Things?
Tired of another meeting with another doctor with your family member who just wants answers. And a tumor board of 15 doctors who have none. Still.
Tired of struggling with decisions. Big and little.
Tired of smoke detectors chirping constantly and needing their batteries changed ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE.
Tired of even taking baby steps, because those make you want to throw up as much as the Big Things.
Tired of trying to arrange babysitters so you can actually go do something fun, but all of the sweet lovelies don't understand that if they don't ever get back to you, then you don't know if you should find another babysitter or bail on this crazy idea you have of ever having any fun at all.
Tired of pretending.
Tired of stupid, jerkface kids calling your kid a nerd. Just...why? Because he only plays flag football on Saturdays instead of in the Super Competitive 8-Year-Old League? Or because he is actually trying to make good choices in school and listen to the teacher instead of acting like the cool kids?
Tired of pants.
Tired of having to choose between going to one kid's parent-teacher conferences tonight or making homemade playdough and finding a 12x12 piece of cardboard for the other kid to take to school tomorrow.
Tired of the ever-growing list that mocks you for not Doing All The Things.
I call it Soul Fatigue.
And on days like these, I am so, so grateful for my my kids, who were tired and quiet and grumpy this morning when I threatened to take screens away.
Because they are still my heart.
Even when I found myself wishing for simpler days of toddlers and coffee playgroups at 9:30 on the morning. And them climbing into my lap for snuggles.
And I am grateful that I know I won't feel like this forever. I will shake it off and feel sparkly and magical and awesome again. Hopefully soon.
And I am grateful for this delicious new soul-soothing drink called a Chile Mocha. With coconut milk and half the chocolate. It is warming me from the inside out and making me feel all kinds of cozy.
And I am especially grateful for work that I get to do from home.
Because on Un Days like today, after dropping off the kids at school, I don't have to go to an office.
I get to come back home.
And I can stick my tongue out at my desk and take my laptop upstairs.
Take off my pants.
Climb back in bed.
Get to work.
And forget about adulting for a little while.
Tomorrow, I shall be magical again.