I’m so sorry, sweet soul.
For so many things.
But mostly, I’m sorry you let him take your light.
And him.
And him.
I’m so sorry you let him make you feel less than.
That you let him make you feel like you misunderstood.
That you allowed him to convince you that you were wrong.
For 10 years.
I’m so sorry you let him convince you that you were wrong when every fiber of your being knew the truth.
Your heart.
Your gut.
Your soul.
They all knew.
I’m so sorry I couldn’t convince you that you were right and that you could trust me. And that you felt like you needed to trust him instead. That you owed it to him to trust him out of your undying loyalty instead of the truth you felt in your body instead.
I’m so sorry that you didn’t feel you could trust me. I promise you, I will never lead you astray.
But you know that now, love. Don’t you?
Please tell me you know that now?
You spent 10 years questioning that trust in yourself. But now you know…right?
And then you spent another several years learning to trust those instincts…until you finally did.
I’m so proud of you for that, love.
That takes guts.
And bravery.
And courage.
And guts.
And heart.
And conviction.
And did I mention guts?
I’m so proud of you, sweet love warrior.
For not wanting to give up.
For doing everything in your power that you could possibly do.
For wanting to honor your commitments.
And your vows.
And your promises.
Until you knew it was time to honor your Self instead.
Your soul.
I’m so proud of the way you have honored yourself and did what you knew you needed to do.
I know it wasn’t easy for you, sister.
I know you agonized over the decision for 4 years, 8 years, 10 years, 13 years…
18. Fucking. Years.
It’s okay, love.
You didn’t know.
Until you knew.
Please forgive yourself for that.
Again and again and again.
And then…
…forgive yourself again.
Forgive yourself for not seeing.
Not knowing.
Not believing.
For trusting implicitly.
For letting him take your light.
And then…
Forgive that next lovely soul.
Who said the words.
In soul contracts. And your bright shining light. And the type of deep connection that you believed in your heart was possible.
But then his heart and head battled with each other. Whatever the fuck that means. And you were caught in the crossfire.
I’m so sorry you were caught in that crossfire, love.
I’m sorry that your heart was hurt by someone who said they knew what they wanted, but clearly didn’t.
And I’m sorry…so sorry…about the beautiful stranger.
Who came out of nowhere.
Who insisted he was not like those who came before him. Because he was different.
FFS.
I’m sorry he made you believe again in the power of words.
He was everything he said he would be. Everything the souls before him were not.
So of course you trusted him. Why wouldn’t you trust him and his beautiful words? And the way he looked at you. And sang to you. And wrote to you.
Until his words ended up meaning the same as those before him.
Until his over-the-top declarations of love meant nothing.
Until you saw how easily he let you go.
I’m sorry for that, love.
Please know that.
I am so sorry these lessons were so painful.
You didn’t deserve that.
You deserved a love equal to the love that you offered. Love that you willingly gave.
You deserved more.
You deserved better.
I’m so sorry you didn’t get what you deserved.
And that you felt pain that you didn’t deserve to feel.
But now, sweet love…
…it’s time.
It’s time to forgive.
Not them.
You already did that.
It’s time to forgive yourself, love.
I know you’ve been struggling with this.
I know you’ve been working on it.
But now…?
It’s about goddamn time.
You’ve forgiven them.
Isn’t it your turn now?
Forgive yourself.
Stop letting them take your light.
Step into that frickin’ spotlight.
And shine that blinding light as bright as you can, love.
It’s time.